Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Out of the rubble

This blog of mine - its a complex thing. You see, I started this blog, back in 2007, hoping to give my out-of-town relatives a place to ooh and ahh over the adorable faces of my sweet new babies.

As times moved on, it became a place for me to capture more than just their smiling faces, but the stories that surrounded the love and the laughter. I got addicted to recording their development, imagining their giggles one day when they read back about the time their daddy gave them a Schwann's man push-up pop.

But then it reached yet another level. Well, really I reached another level. God began placing on the hearts of my little family, the desire for something more, something new, something unknown. Something scary. And I recorded it all. Mostly because I didn't know what else to do. I was afraid to blog about it, fearful that I would sound ungrateful, unwilling, or even disgruntled with my God. But I was also afraid not to blog about it. This seemingly innocent portal into my little family became my lifeline. My journal. My therapy in a really bumpy time in my life.

The encouraging letters Ben and I have received, the anonymous gifts, and the words of encouragement have been a gift to me. About 10 months ago, during a rough patch in this journey where I felt God was simply not answering or speaking to me, a mentor of mine encouraged me to give God specific reasons I was asking Him to answer my prayers. "What, you mean like, convince God?

"Exactly. Tell him why you need this from Him. Why you want this prayer answered."

So I did. And one of the reasons that topped my list was simple. I wanted God to answer my prayer, restoring us into full-time ministry, so that I could be a testimony to all of you. To you - my best friend from high school. To you - the girl who sits next to me at MOPS. To you - the hundreds of you who read this blog that I have never met. I wanted to be a testimony to you. A testimony of God's faithfulness and his steadfast love. Living proof, that when you stay firm in your faith and when you seek the Lord, He will always restore, always comfort, and always lead you to a better place.

Well, my friends, I hope I have been that testimony of faithfulness to all you of. Ben and I are leaving on an early flight tomorrow to venture into an opportunity that could change our lives forever. They haven't officially offered. We haven't officially accepted. But the peace in my heart is indescribable. It is unlike any other. And it is well worth the wait.

While we aren't ready divulge all the juicy details - you know, the ones like where, when, how, and who, I wanted to give you all some hope and encouragement as you have followed and prayed so faithfully for my sweet family. I hope you will continue to pray as we journey onward, settling for nothing less than God's best.

In the New York Times best-selling novel Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert writes these amazing words, "Ruin is a gift. For ruin is the road to transformation." 18 months ago, my life felt ruined. 5 months ago, my life felt ruined again. And just 2 months ago, the rock fell, and I felt yet another day of ruin. But through it all, God has made me believe stronger, love harder, and dream further. These past months might have been filled with some ruin, but I am so thankful for them. So thankful for who I am today. And so thankful for a God who counted me worthy of the ruin and worthy of the transformation.

I'll be updating through the trip via twitter (@ekandpeyton) and on the blog. Follow along, and of course, I'll divulge those "juicy" details as the Lord (and my husband!) allows.

1 comment:

Jo said...

I'm so excited for y'all! What an adventure. We'll be praying. Love.

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