Control freak no more! Well, ok, so I am working on it....

If you are a control freak and you know it, raise your hand...

*Insert image of me raising my hand here*

Seriously, I am. When I was in college, I HATED group projects. Don't get me wrong, I loved my fellow classmates as much as the next guy. I also enjoyed the late night coffee sessions to discuss said project. I even enjoyed the cheesy visual props we would make as a group. But, in group projects, you have to relinquish parts of the project to members of the group - and that is where it gets a little squeamish for me.

I would have much rather taken the entire project into my own hands. It makes me nervous to trust someone with something that might effect me in someway. It is something I have had to work on since becoming Mrs. Ben. Luckily, I had a dad who from a very early age, instilled the importance of submitting to his authority so that I might one day submit to my husband. That's not to say, however, that it isn't still a severe internal struggle to hand over the checkbook for balancing, or leave him with the responsibility of taking care of the girls for the whole weekend. I mean, what if he forgets to bathe them for three days. Children can be emotionally scarred by such an experience (hint of sarcasm in that one, even I am not THAT crazy.)

As I have mentioned in previous posts, this controlling nature slides into my spiritual life as well. Oy. This is where things get very serious.

I consider myself a woman of faith. A individual striving for ultimate reassurance and strength in God and God alone. But until these past few months, that statement hadn't fully been tested. Boy it has now, and I am sad to say that I did not pass with flying colors.

Ben still has no job, no income, and its getting hard. The bills are coming, and I look at my checkbook sometimes and wonder how I am going to make this work. This morning, it all kinda came to a head. I decided I was taking matters into my own hands. Over the years, when I have felt this overwhelmed and financial despair I have done one of two things - yell at Ben and tell him we have to do something (this never ends in any sort of resolution, rather I am left with a crushed and broken husband), or I call someone who might help me come up with a solution.

This morning, I followed in my usual routine. I got up from the computer and walked away from the account balance sitting on the screen and headed to the phone. I made it about halfway down the steps, and something stopped me. Something so strong that it got my attention. I stopped to make sure it wasn't just a severe case of pregnancy indigestion or random leg cramp, when I saw my mother-in-laws Bible sitting where she had left it that morning. I immediately felt guilt because I hadn't read that morning. Bummer.

I picked it up and headed over the Acts, the book Ben and I have been studying during this life change of ours. There, in the boldest underlining I have ever seen was Acts 17:24-25

"The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed any help, since He himself gives life, and breath, and everything."

Everything? Really Lord? Even bills that I don't have money for?

Everything? Really Lord? Even peace when I don't know the outcome of...well, of ANYTHING!

Everything? Really Lord? Even comfort when I feel like no one understands?

Everything? Really Lord? The perfect church for us to serve in, even when it seems like there is no perfect fit out there for us?

Yes, Meredith. Everything.

For the first time in my life, I am going to give up control. I got up, went to the computer, and instead of obsessing over how to fix the problem, I wrote our needs in a list, including our monthly bills, needs for the girls, and needs for living - and I gave them to my heavenly Father.

Sounds simple? Well, its not for me. Inside, I am still that girl who doesn't want to give up part of my Freshman speech assignment to the quiet redhead in the back of the class. I am still that girl who writes a two page, front and back list of the girls needs for the babysitter who will be there for a mere two hours. But this burden is not mine to bear anymore.

God and I had a serious talk this morning. By trying to take matters into my own hands, I was robbing my Savior or the privilege to provide in such supernatural ways, that can only be described as miracles. I was robbing Him of the joy He can bring to my heart by providing. I was robbing myself the opportunity to fall more deeply in love with my Jesus as I watch him supply all of my needs, according to His glory. And frankly, I can't wait.

So I have vowed to take the hour from 9-10 pm, every night to retreat to my room, and pray over each of the items on my list. And to be open to His will in providing, that I may be obedient to whatever He asks of me.

I am not expecting my bills to vanish into thin air, never to be seen again - although my God could chose to do that. I kinda think that might be too easy. And I am certainly not expecting God to need my help in the situation. Nope, I am letting God write the story on this one. I will definitely keep you updated on how it unfolds. One chapter at a time....

My how they have grown.

Ok, here they are. The much anticipated, updated pictures of my darling daughters.

You won't believe how much they have changed. It makes me sad just thinking about it.


The above picture is of course, Peyton Layne, as she cheers on her two uncles at their high school football game on Monday night. It was sweltering hot, so she proceeded to dump mama's water bottle all over herself. A task she got to repeat several times because Memaw kept refilling her water bottle. Gotta love those Memaws.

And here is Ellie Kate with her uncle Josh, sitting outside what appears to be the hall bathroom. There were nine bathroom users in the house this weekend, so who knows? Maybe they were anxiously awaiting their turn. Or maybe they were just hanging out. Those uncles of hers would sit anywhere with that little munchkin.

While visiting, the girls got to pet and feed horses, eat yummy southern food, take lots of walks in the stroller, watch some good ole' college football, celebrate my youngest brother's fifteenth birthday, and cheer on the boys in some serious high school football. We had a great time with my family this weekend, and while it was hard to say goodbye, we are glad to be back at Mimi and Papas and our own beds. We missed them a lot.

Please fasten your seatbelts...

Hello long-lost blogging friends of mine. Ive missed you.

Amidst my house packing, u-haul driving, job changing, toddler raising, baby #3 cooking ways, Ive neglected you, and for that I am very sorry.

Not as sorry as the tons of e-mail and facebook messages I have received from all of you, my lovely readers, wondering what on earth has happened to me. Never fear, however, this family is trudging forward amidst the chaos that seems to be circling amidst us.

We are currently living at my in-laws, who have graciously opened their arms for us to come and stay as long as we need it. It might be more of an interesting story to say we are roughing it all packed into one bedroom, but I would be lying. They have a more than large enough house to accommodate all of us. Each of the girls have their own room, Ben and I live in the upstairs (all by ourselves!) and there is even one more open room for visiting guests. While it is not a permanent plan for us, and while its not a home of our own - I can think of no better place to be during this transition period for us.

Wondering about the job hunt.....?

Me too.

Amazingly enough, God continues to astound me everyday. Even though He is the God of the universe, I still can't believe He does the little things for me everyday. You know, those things I was convinced He would need MY help with. Sometimes I wonder if Gabriel and his buddy angels sit around with a big bowl of popcorn watching the latest Meredith comic sitcom. It would be entitled, "Good grief, when is this girl going to get it." God really is amazing - despite my efforts to butt in.

Ben has applied at several places of which I would love to go into great detail as to their progress, but unfortunately, I can't. Give me about three weeks, and I will update you all on every specific happening that our amazing Savior is doing for this family. Keep us in your prayers, though. It can be discouraging for any man to be out of the work he feels the Lord has called him to. Sometimes, I will catch Ben in the middle of a group of random teenage boys in the mall, just talking about football, or he will spend an entire afternoon setting up a 50 foot slip-in-slide made out of tarp for the neighbor's 17th birthday, and he is even visiting local youth programs just to "see whats going on." The boy definitely has a calling and God is using his ministry in unconventional ways. And I love him for it.

And how about those adorable munchkins, you ask?

Ellie Kate is doing fabulous. She and Peyton both attend a learning center here twice a week for preschool children and they are learning massive amounts of things. The other day, Ellie Kate came home singing the B-I-B-L-E and saying the pledge of allegiance. I had to have her repeat it just to make sure I hadn't hallucinated for a brief moment. She is getting very excited about the arrival of her new little brother and remains a fabulous big sister to Peyton. She is having minor adjustment issues that I assume are very typical. She is having her "teachable" moments a little more often and still asks about going home. She loves living with Mimi and Papa though, and I have a feeling they don't mind much either. The other day when Mommy and Daddy both said no to something, she went to ask Mimi. Mimi quickly said, "Ellie Kate, what did your mom and dad say?" To which Ellie Kate replied, "I want to call Granny Billy," who is Mimi's best friend and ultimate pushover for anything my two year old says. And who says children don't know the different between right and wrong until they are 4. Sheesh!

Peyton is, well....shes still Peyton. Spunky. Dramatic. Cuddly. And Hilarious. She makes me laugh every single day. She is walking all over this house, but gets frustrated because she still wobbles. She also loves the learning center and is thriving. She loves her teachers, who are working with her on music, sensory skills, and being without mommy - something she has never done. Its only twice a week though, and she is doing great.

I promise to post pictures of both very soon. Well, as soon as I unpack my digital camera.

Baby Livingston is doing great. He is by far the most active child I have ever had in my belly. He keeps me up sometimes at night, but better now than in three months. Yep, only three more months. Thanksgiving to be exact. We will be using my same midwife that I had originally planned on using, which means I will head down to our old stomping ground two week prior to my due date. I hope I won't have to spend Thanksgiving without my family, but if so, I have enough family there to keep me occupied.

Ben and I and the girls are headed to visit my folks in Missouri for a few days. They are some of Ben and I's ministry mentors and we are looking forward to late night talks about what is next for our family. Not to mention some great cooking and football watching that we are also looking forward to.

SO there it is, us in a nutshell. Sorry it has taken so long to update all of you on our happenings. God is great and worthy of all our praise and we are more than happy to give it to Him. Keep us in your prayers, and I promise to update some pics soon.

I missed you all. Its good to be back!

All Aboard!

Well, we did it.

We made the move.

I packed the house, Ben loaded the truck, and we all piled into our two cars and headed north. As I was pulling away from our house, I kept thinking about all the precious moments my family shared here. I brought both my baby girls home to this little abode. Ellie Kate took her first steps in the living room. I worked for hours preparing their nurseries (which no one ever really sees, by the way). A lot of my memories are under that roof, and I was sad to let them go.

Several months ago, Ben came to me and told me he had received a vision from the Lord. No, not like a burning bush or a hand on the wall - although God could have chosen to do those things - rather, he continued to get this same vision in his mind. Ben felt the Lord telling him to begin preparing to step into the boat and go into deeper waters. He was to put up his sails and be ready.

When he first told me, I told him to go across the street and talk it over with our often prophetic neighbor, because honestly, I wasn't sure if Ben had lost his marbles or not.

You know, I had kinda forgotten about all of that when this church mess arose. I was so consumed by "why is this happening?" and "woe is me," that I completely forgot that the Lord had begun preparing us for this very moment months ago. It wasn't until I was sitting on the floor playing with Ellie Kate and her ultimate toy favorite - Noah's ark - that it dawned on me. THE BOAT! Of course, God has been orchestrating this in our hearts and preparing us to step out onto this boat and head to deeper waters.

We had even begun to put our sails up months ago as we had been interviewing with several churches. Why hadn't it been so much clearer to me? Why am I so quick to question God in the midst of the storm that I don't even notice he already put the umbrella over my head?

As I was laying on the floor, stunned by the goodness of the Lord, Ellie Kate handed me one of her ark figurines. "Here mommy, you be the mommy." As I looked down, I noticed she had given me Noah's wife. The often forgotten about figurine by my two year old, who would rather be amused by the elephants, giraffes, and monkeys. But isn't she often forgotten about by the rest of us too? We all praise the faith of Noah and the obedience he willingly gave to the commands of the Lord. But what about his wife? What about her obedience?

I began to think about Mrs. Noah and the sacrifices she must have made. Her husband came home from work one day and declares he is going to build this thing called an "ark" because this thing called "rain" is going to come. I highly doubt she ran to pack her suitcase. I mean, cmon, she had her kids to think about. And what about her home? And what about food? If he stops working, how will they eat? What is someone in the family gets sicks? How will God provide? All questions I have found myself asking in the past two weeks.

But Noah builds the boat, just as God commanded. I wonder if she thought to herself...you think this boat will really ever come together?

And then God says he will send animals two by two. I wonder if she thought to herself...you think all those animals will really come?

And then God says to get inside the boat and He will shut the door. I wonder if she thought to herself...maybe God will forget to shut the door and all this hard work will be for nothing.

And then God says the rain will come. I wonder if Mrs. Noah thought...maybe this is all just a bad dream.

God says he will destroy the world. I wonder if she thought about Ms. Suzie, her friend down the road, and how she would miss her.

Then God says the rain will stop. I bet she said to God, "Now don't forget about us God. Don't forget to turn off the rain eventually. Don't forget. Remember God. ITS IMPORTANT!"

Then God puts a rainbow in the sky promising to never flood the earth again. Yet, I wonder if she lived in constant fear that this tragedy and heartache she had endured would happen all over again.

You see, God proved himself faithful to her and her family over and over and over again, yet she still doubted with each promise of the Lord. Just like God has proven himself faithful to my family over and over and over again, and yet I still question. Where will we live? How will the Lord provide? When will Ben get a job and where will it be? Don't forget, God, Ben needs a job! Don't forget ITS IMPORTANT! Will I ever find friends like the women I have grown to love at Wednesday morning Bible study? And are there any guaranties that this heartache and tragedy I have felt over the past two weeks won't happen again?

As I sat, deep in thought, oblivious to the sounds and chatter of my two year old, Ellie Kate grabbed my face in her hands and said, "Cmon mommy, its time to get in the boat." And with that, she took Mrs. Noah right out of my hands, stuck her in the boat with the rest of the figurines and closed it up.

"Yep, that's right, Ellie Kate, its time to get in the boat."

God is so good. He was working through my toddler to teach me one of the greatest lessons of faith I have ever been taught in my life. Stop worrying, and get in the boat. God has this little family of mine tucked away in his hands, and there is no safer place to be. God is in control, and while I may not see or understand of even grasp all of His doings - I trust Him.

God has something great in store for this family and for some reason, He has chosen to protect us, just as He protected Noah's family. And I can't wait to see what is in store for us.

Happy Birthday to YOU!

One year ago today, I was walking around the birth center, convinced you were never going to make your appearance. I worked long, hard hours with the hope to seeing and kissing your little face. I about broke your daddy's neck in the process, but at 2:40 in the afternoon, we finally got to hold you.




















Over the past year, you have grown, little girl. Grown to be a sweet, cuddly mommy's girl who loves life and loves to sleep. You love to suck your fingers and loved it when we gave you solid
food. We could tell you were going to make friends easily and would love unconditional

With that sweet nature came a vivacious, strong willed, curly haired little monster. You love to scream, just to be heard and you will do anything to make your big sister laugh. You hold nothing back as you express your emotions and tell us exactly how you feel. Every family needs one of you, I like to say.





















Today you are one year old, eating cake and sitting in a big girl high chair. I can't even believe it.

Although I find it hard to keep up with your exuberance for life and your strong personality, God has given us a gift in you, Peyton Layne. While you can be quite loud and persistent, I know God will use those inate qualities as you grow and mature into a godly young lady. You strength will allow you to never be afriad to stand up for what you believe in. God has given you a strong voice to be used to yell from the rooftops of the gift of God's love in a world full of chaos and confusion. Yet he has given you the gift of compassion and encouragement to lift the spirits of others while pointing them to Christ.

So keep that stuborness going. Scream at us all you want (just not at the dinner table). And continue giving us lots of hugs - God is preparing you for the future, baby girl. A future in which you will change this world for Christ.

Lord, begin preparing Peyton's heart for the day when she will accept you as the Lord of her life. May she use the talents and abilities you have given her in a way that will bring glory and honor to you. Amen.

Keep up the good work, Peyton Layne. And keep your eyes on Jesus.

Happy Birthday, my little one year old - Mommy loves you.

A New Beginning

I have sat down to write this post a number of times, but have found myself unsure as to how to convey just the right words on my heart.

The past few weeks have been a blur of emotion. We were filled with excitement and joy as we spent two glorious weeks on vacation. Ben and I spent much needed alone time talking and discussing our future.

We have also been filled with great anxiety and trepidation as we have felt the knocking at our heart for sometime that where we currently reside is not to be our earthly home anymore.

You see, first and foremost, our ministry is our family. After our relationship with Jesus, my relationship with Ben and our relationship with our children tops the list. While we have wonderful friends here, none are family, and it has been difficult raising our girls in a place with no extended family. Each time we have visited both my and Ben's family, we have left overjoyed with the love and unity we felt while there, but sad that it isn't is our lives always.

We have also felt for sometime that our church's vision and our vision have been pulling further and further apart. Our priorities are unaligned with theirs and Ben and I cannot achieve the ministry we feel the Lord has called us to in this type of environment.

Oddly enough, Ben has been approached by three different churches over the past month about positions opening in which they are highly interested in him - all of which are located in the area of family.

Don't ever say my God doesn't know. Don't ever say my God doesn't care for us. Don't ever say that God doesn't know the desires of our hearts. And don't ever say he doesn't wipe each tear from our eye. My God is great, He is powerful, He is gentle, He is compassionate, and He is directing my steps each and every day.

Deuteronomy 31:8 says, "It is the Lord who goes before you, He will be with you; He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear."

Ben and I are taking a leap of faith as we leave this place of familiarity, comfort, and longstanding friendships, but are trusting that the Lord has gone before us and will never leave us. We are excited about what the future holds - whatever that may be.

Please be in prayer for us as we take flight on this adventure. We don't know where our next paycheck will come from; we don't know if we will be able to sell our house; and we don't know where the Lord will take us. And for a mommy, its a scary ride, but I know we are in the hands of the Father, and there is no other place I would rather be.

In closing, I want to say that I love my husband more than I did yesterday. The faith and strength he has exhibited for his family over the past two weeks has been nothing short of amazing. In all my fears, he has continually pointed me back to Jesus and his promises to me in the Word. He has had to take strong stands for his family this week - stands that weren't easy, and stands that cost him greatly in the world's eyes; but he will be greatly rewarded by the Lord for his obedience. God has great things in store for my man and our family. I can't wait to watch them unfold.

I'll keep you updated on our move, as it begins this week. Be in specific prayer that we can find a renter for our house and that I can find the right birth option for baby #3. Thanks in advance for all of your prayers and support.

Watch out world, this family is coming home!!!

Our oasis.

Oh what fun we are having in Florida. We wake up when we want, eat when we want, and spend the rest of the day at the pool or on the beach.

God Bless vacation.

This is what we had for dinner last night...



My family has Cadillac taste. You are feasting your eyes upon nearly 15 pounds of yummy crab legs (there were 13 of us eating, I swear). We let Ellie Kate try it out and she wasn't so interested - thats fine, more for me!

I also wanted to show you the true beauty of our surroundings. Not to make you jealous or anything, but just so you can truly appreciate the beauty of God's creation. Well, a little gloating might be in order....

This is the view from our master bedroom outdoor balcony. This was the best shot Ben got...



Outside our dining room balcony is this view of the pool. Ellie Kate's new nickname is Nemo. She has spent nearly every waking hour in this salt water pool, and she is becoming quite the little swimmer.
Peyton mostly stays inside and enjoys the air conditioning and toys. Both girls have slept so well, and while a few hours of crankiness have been endured, I have decided I can do anything while looking at the Gulf of Mexico.

This place is full of memories. I spent every summer here with my own family, Ben and I honeymooned here, and it is so awesome to bring both my daughters here for the first time. No longer will I leave my memories at the beach - I get to take my memories home with me, and that is worth every vacation dollar we have spent.