Birth Story - Part 3 - this is where it gets funny...

So we FINALLY made it to the birth center. I thought we would never make it. I am just glad it was at three in the morning and not during five o'clock rush hour traffic.

As soon as I got there, Cindy checked me and I was a five. Darn. I knew there would still be a long night ahead of me. I knew I immediately wanted to get into the tub and get some relief. They (Abby and Whitney were there too) already had the bath water running and ready to go. I got into my lovely birthing clothes (aka bathing suit :-)). and got in the tub. I probably wasn't in there five minutes before Ben comes in and says he is going to run to Wal-Mart and get me some yogurt. I knew it would be a long night and I thought he could use the little outing. So Cindy sat in the bathroom with me and we talked in between contraction while my lovely hubby went to Wal-Mart.

I wish I could say that that was that, but this is probably the best part of my birth story. So Ben comes back into the birth center and I am still in the tub, laboring away. I hear Abby and Whitney laughing, pretty loud, and I just knew Ben had to be the reason. He is always telling some joke or story, yes, even when his wife is in labor. He then came into the bathroom to tell Cindy and I the story that would eventually have everyone, even me, laughing hysterically.

Ben went to Wal-mart for three things - yogurt, Gatorade, and bananas. So he got his three items and started heading to the front of the store. Keep in mind, it is three in the morning, so there's not much going on at Wal-mart. There was only one lane open, and Ben saw the light and started heading that way. As he is approaching the only open lane, he sees a large woman with an overflowing basket begin to head toward the same lane. In his mind he thinks, surely she will see my three items and let me go first. He quickly realized that wasn't the case when she started walking faster. She was almost running by the time they both reached the lane and she proceeded to go in front of Ben. Being the patient guy he is, he allows her to go ahead.

The checker finally finishes checking all of her groceries. Of course, she has tons of coupons and goes through all of them, arguing with the checker over each one he said was expired. After she swiped her credit card and spun the lazy susan that holds the bags four times!!!, she suddenly remembers that she has some curtain rods that she wanted to return. Of course the customer service desk is closed, so she proceeded to return the curtain rods, taking another five minutes. She argues with the poor clerk about the price, and she wants it to reimburse some of the cost of her groceries. He kindly explains to her that she has already paid for her groceries and cant go back to reduce that cost. Frustrated, she turns to leave.

"Oh, I forgot" she says. She forgot that she needed a gift card! Never once did Ben think to tell this woman, my wife is in labor, do you mind if I check out my three items real quick! Nope, he lets her come back and buy her stupid gift card. She asks for forty dollars on the card. The clerk makes the stupid mistake of asking her which card. She then asks to see all of her options. When none of those seem to tickle her fancy, she goes to a different checking station to check those. Once she finally picks one (the first one he showed her!!!), he puts forty dollars on the card. She swipes her credit card and is beginning to sign when she realizes, she doesn't want forty dollars on the card, she wants four HUNDRED dollars! I know what you guys are thinking, you are thinking that i am making this up. That is what Cindy and I were saying when Ben was telling us this story while I am laboring in the tub. It was at this point in the story that I said to Ben, "At least her credit card didn't get declined." Ben gave me a little smile and said, "the story isn't over yet."

The clerk rings up her four hundred dollar gift card and she begins to swipe her card for the fourth time that night. Declined! Well of course it declined, she used it four times in a matter of fifteen minutes. The lady, however, couldn't understand that and immediately yells at the clerk. She demands the clerk call her bank and make the card go through. AT THREE IN THE MORNING! Poor wal-mart checker. He probably quit right after his shift was over. It is at this point that Ben finally decides to chime in. He very sternly explains that she can call the number on the back of her credit card. Ben says that she then looked at him with a glare and turns back to the teller. The teller says that yes, that is right, she must call her bank tomorrow. Mad and perturbed, she finally leaves for the door. WOOHOO!!! Ben finally checks out and talks a little with the checker.

I guess while you are in labor, there is no essence of time. Ben was gone nearly 45 minutes and the wal-mart is literally next door. It is a good think I had a great team helping me while he was gone. Now we all have a good laugh. I promise I will have a baby in the next post. I just couldn't leave this part of the story out. These details may be the things I forget someday, and that would just be a travesty.